


The Curse of Curves

by tatymaslany



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, Orphan Black AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-04
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-11 03:56:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1168385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatymaslany/pseuds/tatymaslany
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Propping herself up on her elbow, she gazed down at you. Goosebumps pimpled on your outstretched arm where she trailed her fingers absentmindedly."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

            _Hi, my name is Cosima Niehaus, and I have a story to tell. I may not have much time to tell it, but I will do my best. Let’s begin._

-

            You shuffled the papers on your desk, arranging them neatly while the people around you jabbered on about what everyone got up to over summer – who slept with who, who got absolutely trashed and climbed up the rooftop of a restricted building, the usual shenanigans.

             “Hey, hey, Cosima.”  

            Looking up, you pushed your glasses up to properly focus on the boy who nudged you. Bespectacled with a cheeky grin on his face, Scott scooted closer you.  

             “I heard there’s going to be a babe in our lab.” 

             “Did you?” You tilted your head, peering at him over your glasses. 

             “Yeah, apparently. Oh look, she’s here. Oh, wow.” 

            Snorting, you turned to face the door, slightly doubtful of his judgement, but was pleasantly surprised by the newcomer. _Oh_ , she was a babe indeed. Tall, slender, and graceful, were the first words that popped into your head as you took her in from toe to head. As your eyes moved upwards, over her tight white jeans and fluffy sweater, you appreciated her well-kept figure, and her soft golden locks (how did they look so soft and nice to touch?). When you reached her eyes, they locked onto yours, and an easy smile formed on her pretty face. 

             (Your belly flipped.) 

            Spotting the empty spot beside you, she headed in your direction. Throat suddenly dry, you cleared it, ducking down, and ignoring the nervous chuckling Scott was emitting. By the time you looked up, she had settled into the empty spot, papers laid out carefully in front of her. Catching your eye, she once again smiled, red faintly coloring her cheeks.  

             “Good morning,” she began. _Holy watershed_ , you winced inwardly, she was French. As if the way she looked wasn’t sexy enough. “I’m Delphine. I hope this seat is not taken?”  

            No, you shook your head vigorously. It was definitely not taken. 

             “Hi,” you exhaled, corners of your lips rising. “I’m Cosima.” 

            She grasped your offered hand tightly (you hoped she’d wouldn’t notice your sweaty palms), and her cheeks dimpled as she angled her head. 

             “Enchantée.”  

             “Enchantée.”

- 

             “That’s it for today, I’ll see you all same time next week.” 

            As the TA dismissed the class, you turned to sneak another glance at Delphine. It was two weeks since you first laid eyes on the exquisite French woman, and even you were surprised by how often she intruded into your thoughts. Often studying on campus, you’ve noticed her around occasionally, always looking absolutely beautiful. And that hair. How did it look so good all the time? There had been a few short casual conversations, but what you really wanted was to ask her out. 

            Pushing yourself up from the table, you took another deep breath, feeling your chest expand. One look down towards your boobs; yes they looked great. You squared your shoulders and strolled towards the blonde lady. About two feet from target, Scott appeared suddenly, with a sheepish look already plastered on. 

             “Hey Cosima! I was wondering, wondering if,” the words came out excruciatingly slowly, and your eyes shifted to Delphine, who was replacing her notes into her bag. 

             “If what?” 

            Distracted by the rapidly diminishing opportunity for French contact, you cut through his stammering, impatient and nervous, eyes flicking back and forth between the boy and the lady. 

             “If, if, you’d like to,” he looked down at his feet, shifting his weight. 

             “To what?” 

            Your voice came out harsher than expected, shocking him, and he blurted out the rest of his sentence.

             “If, if you’d like to have dinner with me tonight?” 

             “What,” your head snapped back towards Scott, his words taking you by surprise as you were focused on Delphine, who incidentally, had looked up, curiosity piqued. “Dinner?” 

             “Yes!” He was brimming with enthusiasm, hands rubbing together. 

             “Uhm,” you began, stalling for time as you tried to formulate a kind rejection. Amused, Delphine tilted her head at you from behind Scott, sensing your disorientation.  

             “Uhm,” shaking your head, “I’m sorry I can’t. I have dinner plans tonight.” 

             “Oh,” he nodded as his face fell, “that’s okay then. Another day?” 

             “Yeah maybe.” 

            Giving him a large smile, you tried to sidestep him, but he stepped back into back onto your path. “Tomorrow?”  

             “Uhm…” 

             “She’s having dinner with me tomorrow.” 

            Both of your heads averted to Delphine, who had stepped forward to tap Scott on the shoulder. 

             “I’m sorry, but we had agreed on tomorrow, yes?” her eyes fell on yours, encouraging your complicity. Out of words, you nodded violently. “Sorry Scott, maybe another day. Now Cosima, I need ask you about something.” 

            Taking your arm, she led you out of the room, and you grabbed your bag on the way, sending an apologetic look towards Scott. 

             “Thanks-” 

             “Now-” 

            You both laughed as your words came out at the same time, and she waved you on. “You first.” 

             “I just, like, wanted to say thanks for helping me out.” 

             “Not a problem. Boys can be a little persistent, hmm?” 

            You nodded your agreement, grin sliding onto your face. The closeness of her boosting your courage, you impulsively suggested, “the least you could do is let me actually take you out for dinner to show my appreciation?” 

            She stopped, and as your hand was still in hers, you halted as well. Her brown eyes held yours, considering, and your breath held as you waited. 

             (One, two, three). 

             “Désolée, but I have dinner plans.” 

             “Oh, that’s okay,” ducking your head, you pushed the rejection away. “Some other time maybe.” 

            Her eyes continued to hold and probe; but then suddenly, just like flowers in spring, a brilliant smile bloomed on her face. 

             “Okay, some other time.”

-

            The seconds seem to tick by too slowly; you moved towards the book shelf to peruse the titles, only to return back to moving papers around your desk two seconds later. A knock on the door jarred you from your mindless wandering and you opened it to reveal a beaming Delphine, who lifted a plastic bag.      

             “Bonsoir, Cosima. I have the truffles that I promised you.” 

             “Right on time! And I have the eskimo pies waiting in the fridge. Come on in!” 

            “Thanks,” she came in tentatively, eyes dancing around the room trying to take in as much as she could. You allowed her the opportunity to observe and learn, and put her coat away. Leaning against the counter, you saw her pick up a photo frame to examine. 

            “Do you have a twin sister?” 

            “Mhmm, yup. We were twins separated at birth. My parents took me in and raised me in San Fran, while a woman adopted her and raised her in the UK. We only met, like, two years ago, when she moved here. It was a surprise, let me tell you, seeing someone who looked exactly like me.” 

            “And what happened?” 

            Delphine’s fingers gripped the photo frame as she listened intently, incredulous expression on her face. 

            “It was totally amazing. We just kinda stared at each other, and then introduced ourselves. We both always knew we were adopted, and so it wasn’t too shocking.” 

            “Wow, that’s amazing.” 

            “But anyway, let’s get back to the truffles. I am intrigued.” 

            Delphine replaced the photo frame, sliding over to join you at the counter. Carefully, she retrieved the box and opened it to reveal the chocolate truffles. 

            “This shop makes really good truffles, but my mother makes the most amazing ones. Hopefully, you can try it someday.” 

            She enunciated the word amazing slowly, and rolled her eyes back to express just how amazing it was. You liked that. With a quick grin, you lifted one shoulder. 

            “Maybe.”

-

            The next time you talked, you were sick. She’d noticed your coughing during the class, and had came over to you while you were packing up. You stood up and almost bumped into her, unaware that she had appeared by your side. 

            “Oops sorry!” 

            “No no, I am. I crept up on you, I’m sorry.” 

            She pushed her hair back; you stood up taller. 

            “I noticed you coughing, are you okay?” 

            (A warm feeling in your chest.) 

            “No, I’m totally okay. It’s just a slight cold. Nothing to worry about.” 

            “That’s good to hear. I’m glad that you are okay.” 

            The corners of her mouth quirked upward, and she looked down shyly, pulling at a thread from her jumper. When had you started biting your lip? Shaking your head to clear it, you clasped your hands in apology. 

            “I would love to stay and chat but there’s a guest lecture that I’d like to attend now, so…” 

            “Is it the one by Professor Connor,” her eyes lit up, “the visiting lecturer?” 

            “Yes! Are you by chance going too?” 

            How was her smile so enchanting? Have you already asked that question? As she nodded excitedly in reply, you felt a warm flush spread across your face, and you grinned. 

            “Great!”

-

            “See, that’s the thing. That’s why the nature vs. nurture debate is always going to be on-going because of such inconclusive results. Those were fascinating studies though, I’d quite like to learn more about them.” 

            You paused mid-ramble, noticing that she had fallen silent, just watching you with a soft smile playing at her lips. The day was exceptionally warm for mid autumn; students were out in droves, enjoying the rare sun. After the lecture you had both agreed on relaxing on the campus grounds, and you were currently stretched out on the ground, head tilted in puzzlement at her silence. Sensing your curiosity, she smiled and shook her head, her blonde hair catching the sunrays. Your breath caught. 

            “I enjoy your fascination with science, and human life,” she shrugged in explanation. Propping herself up on her elbow, she gazed down at you. Goosebumps pimpled on your outstretched arm where she trailed her fingers absentmindedly. “It’s so hard to find someone who gets it.” 

            Blinking, you bit your lip, and nodded in acknowledgement. 

            “Yeah, ditto, obvs.”

-

_From the moment I met Delphine, it was as though I was lost in a sea that was very, very, turbulent. My stomach tossed constantly; it tossed when her fingers brushed mine carelessly, when her smile reached her crinkly eyes, and anytime when her silhouette appeared in my field of vision._

            _Have you ever felt completely thrown off balance by someone? When you think you’ve got a handle of things, think you can figure most people out, and then someone blazes in and throws everything you think you know out the window? That was Delphine for me._

            _And I loved every second of it._

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Slowly, you turned to look at Delphine, who leaned against the wall dividing the bedroom and the rest of the house. Her fluffy oversized sweater had fallen off one shoulder, and her tousled hair graced that bare shoulder tantalisingly."

 

            After the discussion on the grounds, there were plenty more discussions elsewhere and everywhere. She was right, you got it, and she got it; you _both_ got it. Conversations were easy, debates were common, and smiles were infinite. But there was one topic that you dared not touch on. Finally, one time in a quiet corner in the library, you asked her about the silver ring on her left middle finger that she never seemed to take off.

            “Ahh this thing? It was a gift.”

            From her parents hopefully?

             “Oh,” you asked casually, “who from?”  

             “From… my boyfriend for our two year anniversary.”

            Her eyes dropped heavily to look at it. You blinked twice. There was a faint ringing in your ears.

            “Oh.”

            Boyfriend. The word remained in your head long after you’d said goodbye (a kiss on each cheek), your face still warm. Boyfriend. You sighed, turning to your side, and pulling the covers up to burrow yourself deeper into the bed.  

-

            “Bonjour Cosima!”

            You froze for a quick second before whirling around to smile widely, hand thrown out for a casual wave.

            “Hey Delphine!”

            “I didn’t see you in class last week?” her face crumpled, “are you okay?”

            “Yeah, I, uh, I had, uhm,” you swallowed, “a tummy upset.”

            She nodded and then grinned, taking a deep breath in relief, while you winced inwardly (of all things, a tummy upset?). Try as hard you could, you could not stop your eyes averting to the bright, shiny, ring on her finger, but quickly looked back at her when she said something.

            “What, sorry?”

            “Oh, I was just wondering if you’d like to grab some lunch together now? We didn’t quite finish our last debate,” she reproached, taking your hand in an attempt to persuade. Your skin tingled.

            One more time again to the ring.

            “Sorry,” you plastered an apologetic look on your face, “but I have to finish this essay now. It’s due soon.”

            “Oh.” Her mouth froze in a circle, but she reluctantly nodded, releasing her grip on your hand. “Oh, I see. Good luck with it then!”   

            Dragging yourself away, you were unable to resist the urge, and looked back only to see her still standing where you left her, watching you walk away. Was that sadness on her face?

-

_Over dinner one night later on, Delphine told me that the week I ignored her was tough on her, and she found herself confused and disappointed. She confessed that that week was when she had started to wonder if she thought of me as more than a friend. I had teased her at that confession, insisting that it was hard not to fall for me, and received a slap on the leg for my cheekiness._

_What I would give now for that extra week._

-

            “Can you tell me about your boyfriend?”

            Like pulling a band aid off, you looked up from your notes to face her, and noticed her raised eyebrows and wide eyes.

            “François?”

            “Mhmm, I’m surprised I don’t know more about him,” you shrugged, glancing back down to your notes, eyes running over the sentences (why won’t the words focus?).

            You waited. The quiet hum of background voices in the library, the shuffling of papers, and the occasional wheeling of the book trolley, was magnified. You peeked to see her hunched over, her brows furrowed, and perplexed expression on her face. Worried that you had discomfited her, you tapped her lightly on her arm.  

            “Hey, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

            “No, that’s okay. I was just wondering what to say.”

            Silence returned as she chose her words.

            “François is a good man. We don’t see each other often because he lives in a different country.”

            With fascination, you noticed her knuckles on the hand holding a pen turn white, and wondered what it was that made that grip tighten. Glancing down, you realised your own pen was creating jagged lines on your paper, which stopped with her next words.

            "It's complicated at the moment." 

            Her tone rang with finality, and you acquiesced, though curious (desperate) to know why it was complicated. She quickly diverted her gaze when you went to meet hers, and you nodded.

             “Okay.”

-

            This was fun. You watched lazily as she inhaled the vapour into her lungs, her movements so natural it suggested a practiced habit. Releasing the smoke, she replaced the bong on the floor, and lay back against your bed, head angling to give you a small smile. From your comfortable position on the carpet, you shifted to appreciate her beautiful face as she closed her eyes.

            You giggled. 

            Her brown eyes snapped open immediately at once, latching onto yours. You giggled again. 

            "What?"

            She too started to giggle, and before you knew it you were both in fits, and unable to stop. 

            "Ahh, mmm" was the only thing you could offer, as you tried to swat at her, but your hand seemed to be moving at a snail's pace. She was too far. Why was your arm moving in pieces? Why was she so far away?

            "You're too far." 

            "I'm too far?" 

            She repeated blankly, blinking slowly, and then another giggle. The fits started again.

-

 

            "When did you know you liked girls?" 

            She was leaning above you now, chin in hand, and studying your face intently. 

            "Hmm," closing your eyes, you tried to remember. "I can't think of a specific time when I realised it. I just did, there was never a difference between liking boys or girls to me. My parents accepted whoever I liked equally, and it just never was like, a big thing, you know?"

            She hummed her acknowledgement, but her eyes continued to roam over your face, and you found your throat dry. Even in the haze of slow motion, your heart picked up its pace. Her tongue flicked over her lips, and you were faintly aware of her fluttering eyelids as she lowered to meet you. 

            Her lips were warm, and when they opened, your pulse somehow still managed to spike. But she pulled away so quickly that all you could do was stare, mouth left wanting, and chest heaving. 

            "I'm sorry," her hand flew up to her mouth (a barrier). "I don't know what came over me, I’m so sorry. It didn't mean anything, don't worry." 

            She was flustered, blurting out her words, and her cheeks flaming. Only managing a weak wave at her apology (it didn't mean anything, it didn't mean anything), you shook your head.

            "Don't apologise, that was nothing to be sorry about."

            "It's the weed. I should go."

            "No, no," faint alarm bells started ringing; it was too dangerous to walk home alone late. "You can't leave while you are still high, just stay here like we had agreed on."

            "Are you sure?" 

            Her eyes were wide, her fists were clenched, and all you could do was flop back down onto the floor, sighing. 

            "Yes, I’m sure." 

-

            _She realised that she had feelings for me that night. Not during the kiss, how cliché would that have been? But later that night, when we had both collapsed on the bed, body still slow, mind still clouded, and entered the world where nothing mattered. At some point she had woke up, and laid her eyes and hand upon my face, considering, wondering, and pleading. She had stayed there for a while, but ready to move away if I had awakened._

_What she did not know was that I woke the moment she laid her bare hand on my face, her soft and warm palm saying more than her words could. Only when she had returned to sleeping did I let myself smile, though._

_Things changed after that night._

-

            As the trees slowly shed its leaves, Delphine shed her walls. Bit by bit, she let slip information about her family and her life back in France that you lapped up, storing it in the part of your mind that you reserved specially for the beautiful blonde. While you engaged her in more baking sessions, and wine tasting (you soon realised she knew more about wine than you did), she introduced you to classical music, and brought fresh opinions to your study. Hardly a day went by without time spent with Delphine, and you often found yourself smiling at the ridiculously cute texts she sent during rare times when you were apart.

            But the ring remained.

-

            “So what's this I hear about my twin sister and a particular bangin’ French woman?”

            “What?”

            You spat out your drink in surprise, hurriedly picking up a napkin to dab at your mouth. Sarah simply scrutinised your flustered actions, one eyebrow raised.

            “If you’re talking about Delphine, she’s just a friend.”

            “That’s not what I have been hearing, Cos.”

            “Don’t be silly, she’s got a boyfriend.”

            “Exactly. So who’s being the silly one?”

-

            After a long night in a pub with raucous students, you were glad to be back in the peace of your townhouse. Your mind was far from peaceful though; it was turbulent with questions Sarah had thrown your way. Clenching your jaw, you rolled your neck, exhaling loudly.

            “Are you okay, Cosima?”

            Slowly, you turned to look at Delphine, who leaned against the wall dividing the bedroom and the rest of the house. Her fluffy oversized sweater had fallen off one shoulder, and her tousled hair graced that bare shoulder tantalisingly. Everything slowed down as you stepped towards her.

            (A huge thump in your chest.)

            “Don’t you think… it’s time we admit what this is really about?”

            “What do you mean?”

            Her voice came out softer than a whisper, and it was hard to hear over the pounding in your ears. Dangerously close to her now, you raised a hand to cup her face, and pulled her in slowly. She tasted like the schnapps she enjoyed way too much at the bar, and you were hungry for more (more, more, more). But once again, slipping through your fingers, she was quickly out of reach, wide-eyed and breathing heavily.

            “No.”

            Your mind flashed back to the night with a kiss, to later that night with her hand on your face, seemingly promising and encouraging. Shaking your head in frustration, you tossed the word back at her, hands thrown out.

             “No?”

            “I have a boyfriend.”

            The words sounded feeble even to her, offered in a shaky voice. She raked a hand through her hair, and then folded her arms (another barrier).   

            “So this thing between us is just friendship?” your hands were flying, pointing between the two of you. “When you kissed me that night, it meant nothing?”

            You hated your voice for quivering. Her eyes closed. You counted.

             (One. Two. Three. Four.)

            “I-, I don’t know.”

            “Wow, okay.”

            “I have never been with a woman before. I-,” she faltered here. “I don’t know how to.”

            “There’s no instruction manual, Delphine. You just be, or do, whatever.”

            “I don’t know. I’m sorry, I’m just going to go.”

            Anger fought to gain control, but you heard the defeat that seeped through her voice, and your shoulders gave out. You spared her only a glance as she grabbed her coat and left. Only when the door shut did you let out a cry.

            When you eventually decided to sleep, you grimaced at the mess you made of your apartment, gingerly stepping over shards of porcelain to reach your bed. You would clean it up tomorrow.

-

            _Reason #29347 why I love Delphine: she searched for months to find plates of a similar pattern to those that I had smashed that night. They were my favourite plates, but now I have new favourite ones._

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She was still holding your head against hers, and you held onto her arms, thumbs lightly pressing your presence into her skin."

            The science ball was _the_ event of the year for the science department. Staff and students alike were invited to attend, and the tickets sold out days after they were released. This year though, you had lost your excitement for the event. You had (desperately) wanted to go with Delphine with you, and although you bought your tickets together a while back, the current situation was… not good.

            Delphine did not turn up to class the week after the disaster at your house, and you had not seen her since. Logically, you assumed she would not be attending the ball with you either. Mashing the potatoes you were cooking harder than the necessary, you sighed loudly. The worst part was not the rejection, but that you missed her. You missed the way she laughed at the awful science puns you made, the way her eyes lit up when she was enthused about her work, her casual touches that made your heartbeat increase unnecessarily, and most of all, you missed the happiness she aroused in you.   

            “I expect you to be at the ball Cos, putting everyone to shame with your beauty as usual.” 

            Snorting, you brushed aside Sarah’s statement, shaking your head. 

            “Is that like, a sneaky compliment to yourself twinnie?”

            “I’m serious, Cos. Don’t let this thing with Del-fine shake you up, yeah?” 

            You narrowed your eyes, waving the potato masher threateningly. 

            “Don’t call her that.”

            “It’s true though, innit? I bet that’s what you secretly call her.” 

            “Uhm, no Sarah, I do not.” 

            “Whatever. Your mates will expect you to be there, and so will I. And of course, you can show up looking absolutely amazing, and Del-fine will bloody regret not hooking up with you eh?” 

            Laughing, Sarah ducked to avoid the pillow you threw forcefully at her.       

* * *

 

            The day of the ball came quicker than expected amidst the flurry of assignments and classes (Delphine still conspicuously absent). Before you knew it, it was time to put on your sexy push-up bra and wriggle into the dress that you had picked out carefully (“it  _accentuates_  your currrves, Cos”). You took in your reflection in the mirror, and nodded with satisfaction. With the help of makeup, the dark circles under your eyes were almost non-existent, and the dress did indeed bring out the best of your body (damn Sarah, she was always annoyingly right).  

            The doorbell rang many times, signalling the arrival of your friends, their excited chatter bursting underneath the door. Giving yourself the onceover one last time, you nodded again, muttering to yourself. 

            “Looking good, Cosima.” 

* * *

 

            Carefully sipping your fourth glass of wine, you glanced around furtively for Delphine. Since arriving, you tried to not make it painfully obvious that you wanted to see how she looked like glammed up, but having not seen her for the first half hour, you decided to just down glasses of wine and try to have a good time instead.  

            "Hey Cosima!" 

            A nervous laugh drew your attention to Scott, who was looking dapper in a suit, although his collar was turned up carelessly at the back. 

             “Hey Scott, how's your night going?" 

            "It's going great," another nervous chuckle as you folded down his collar. Was he drunk too? He seemed to be nervous chuckling more than usual. "Where's your gal pal Delphine?" 

            Gal pal? He has to be drunk. 

            "I’m not sure, I haven't seen her." another hopeful glance round. Nope, no beautiful blonde French lady. "Do you uhm, know if she's even coming?" 

            "Yup, I bumped into her yesterday and she asked if I was coming, and I asked if she was, and she said that you were so she is.”           

            “Uh ok-” 

            "Oh look, there she is! Oh wow." 

            Neck almost cramping from turning your head so fast, your breath escaped raggedly as Delphine gracefully descended the stairs to the ballroom. With her blonde locks tied up into an elegant bun, she wore a black halter dress that fell to her feet. When she turned to look behind her, you noticed that the dress was bare-backed. Bare. Backed. Holy. Watershed. 

            It was then that her eyes caught yours, and her lips spread in a painfully gorgeous smile.  

            Your breath hitched. You swallowed. And you swallowed again. And then you finally manage to smile crookedly back. 

            As she continued descending, your feet unconsciously brought you to the edge of the staircase, and you offered her a hand with the last step. She took it gratefully, and clamped tightly onto your arm once at the bottom. 

            "Bonsoir, Cosima."  

            Oh my, she was sexy. Your stomach turned and you felt your cheeks redden. Damn wine.  

            "Hey Del-fi-phine. Hey look I am sorry about the last time. So apparently I’ve got a thing for uhm, like, jumping to conclusions. I get it, you’ve got a boyfriend." 

            Your apology burst out anxiously and she smiled, although you noticed it stopped at her eyes. 

            "That's okay, I am sorry too. It was a bizarre night. I was very tipsy.” 

             “Good. I just want to make like uh, crazy science with you.” 

            You could not wipe the grin off your face as she smiled even wider after, the smile reaching her eyes this time. Distracted suddenly, she looked up. 

             “Oh, there you are." 

            She stretched out her other arm to a handsome, dark-haired lad that was in a black suit and black tie. His black tie matched her black dress. Looking between the two of you, she introduced. 

            "François, this is Cosima. Cosima, this is François." 

            He smiled and offered his hand, which after a few seconds of staring (your grin slid off quickly), you shook. Words failed you just then, and you cleared your throat, trying to remove the lump that had found home there.  

            "Hi Cosima,” your name rang in your ears. “I’ve heard so much about you."  

            He was still smiling, and you forced one on. 

            "Yeah, it's nice to meet you too," you gritted your teeth. " _What_  a pleasure." 

            Your eyes flew back to Delphine; there was a frown on her face, which she hurriedly rearranged to a smile when she caught your eyes. Downing your wine in one, you excused yourself on the pretext of getting more, and felt your chest burn as you walked away (it was not the wine).

* * *

 

             _I’m not going to lie – I was completely taken off guard. I was ready to put aside what happened that disastrous night and become friends again, maybe even more eventually, but her bringing her boyfriend seemed to me to be a snub, a deliberate attempt to make me realise that I was not anything more than a friend. And boy was I upset._

             _When she explained to me months later, she said bringing François was her last defence against her feelings for me. Funnily enough, the act did just the opposite of tearing us apart; it propelled our relationship forward._  

* * *

 

            "That's enough wine." 

            Delphine tried to take your glass but moved it away swiftly, making a woosh sound. 

            "You can never have enough wine."  

            Wine numbing your sadness, you grinned stupidly at her, and waved your glass of wine, accidentally slopping some off the glass. You grimaced. 

            "Woops. Maybe you should have more." 

            "Can we talk? I need to speak to you."  

            "Oh, are we not talking?" your eyes widened in mock confusion.  

            "Not here." 

            "Alright, wherever you want, anywhere you want to go," you emphasised the yous with a jab in her direction and a bright smile.  

            Taking your arm urgently, she pulled you out of the ballroom and into the night. You welcomed the cold air, a fresh change from the heat, and you hummed a song softly, giggling every so often. After walking for about five minutes (ten, you’re not sure, giggle), you squinted at your surroundings and shook your head, trying to orientate yourself. 

             “Where are we going? Where’s your boyfriend?” 

            At that point, she must have decided that where you were was far enough, and turned to look at you intently. Surrounded by trees, the only light was coming from a lamppost that casted an orange glow on its surroundings, and illuminated the beauty of the blonde in front of you. 

            She continued to hold your gaze. Raising your brows, you waited, suddenly strangely nervous. 

            She took a deep breath, and with two hands, pulled you in for a yearning kiss. The wine helping bolster the fire in your blood, you kissed her back furiously, one hand moving to bury in her hair, and the other holding her tightly. You felt her hands everywhere – caressing your face, moving along your arm, and splayed across your back. Everywhere she touched, you burnt (more, more, more). She moaned into the kiss, and you shuddered. 

            Once again, she broke apart first, her chest heaving. But she did not pull away, and rested her forehead on yours instead, eyes still blazing. Breathing heavily, you tried to get some words out.  

            “Bed. Bed, need, bed.” 

            Both of you snorted at the incoherent statement that you whispered, which turned into laughter. She was still holding your head against hers, and you held onto her arms, thumbs lightly pressing your presence into her skin. 

            “Eloquent,” she offered, tongue in cheek. “Later. I have something I have to tell you now.” 

            “Tell me in bed,” the fire was fading, but it was still there, and the pulse in your head refused to stop pumping so loudly. She merely smiled, and took your hands, bringing them up to brush her lips tenderly over.  

            “I first need to apologise. I have been in turmoil these past weeks, and did not made it easy on you either. My feelings for you are so entirely new to me.” 

            A pause, at which you nodded encouragingly, lips curving upwards.

             “I have never thought about bisexuality for myself, until I met you. I know that sexuality is a spectrum, but social biases codify sexual attraction, contrary to the biological facts. I know that, and yet Cosima, I’ve been  _so_  foolish.” 

            You felt every inch of your smile as it appeared, and you beamed.

            “That’s… oddly romantic.” 

            She laughed, and you joined in, pulling her close to clasp your hands behind her. Pausing, you turned serious. 

            “What about François?” 

            “He’s out of the picture now. Now we have other things to do.” 

            Her thumb ran across your lips, searing. Licking her own lips, she leaned in to kiss you, slower this time, and you returned in kind, tightening your arms around her waist (you were never going to let go).

* * *

 

              _Poor François. Feeling Delphine slip away from him, he had travelled here to attend the science ball with her in an attempt to salvage their relationship. But as she whispered to me guiltily later that night in bed, his presence only solidified that fact that she had lost her feelings for him, and that her feelings for me were undeniable instead. She had broken up with him just before she so wonderfully kissed me in the night._

_As things go, they didn’t turn out too bad for him. He ended up talking to his future long-term partner that night. It just was not Delphine; she was mine._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Right then though, her pale face was settled, and you reached out with your left hand, without thinking about it, to let your fingers stroke its contours. With your middle finger, you traced the curve of her lips, following the end when it slid up at your touch."

            _When with her I feel nothing but the greatest joy. She herself put it best during one of the earliest occasions we met, when she told me that I got it. In simple words, that was it. She got me and I got her. The years I spent before I met her, though while fulfilling in their every right, paled in comparison to the light she brought into my life. Every moment with her is a gift, through the happy times and the sad times (what little of that there was). And those moments I will always treasure._

-

            “I heard that you’re together with my sister now.”

            Sarah’s dark eyes quizzed Delphine nonchalantly, only the furrowed brow giving away her concern.

            “I am, yes.”

             “I hope you’re not playing her again.”

             Over their steaming coffees, Sarah watched Delphine’s face morph quickly from being affronted to calm as she fought her outrage and composed herself. Delphine knew she had no right to be angry; Sarah was only looking out for Cosima. After all, she had been quite difficult. She stirred her coffee slowly, before raising her head to hold Sarah’s stubborn gaze resolutely.

             “I’m not. I love her.”

            Sarah liked what she saw in Delphine’s eyes, the intensity and strength, and the fervent plea for Sarah to allow her to prove herself. She bared her teeth in a smirk.

             “Alright,” she put her hands up. “Now that I can drop the hard-ass sister hat, just answer me one thing.”

            “Anything, yes.”

            “Does Cosima ever get that dry patch of skin between her eyebrows?”

            Delphine blinked, surprised by the sudden change in conversational tone, but then laughed.

             “You’re her twin. Shouldn't you know?”

             “Yeah well, ever since the first time I asked her she’s never given me a straight answer,” Sarah grunted. “It’s almost as if she’s withholding that piece of information just to piss me off.”

             When Delphine laughed again, her entire body laughed with her – shoulders moving up and down, blonde locks tumbling, and eyes creased. In that moment, Sarah completely understood Cosima’s love for her. Herself grinning, Sarah joined in the laughter.

-

             Cracking your toes, you stretched the night’s sleep away from your body, shifting leisurely to face her, who was peacefully asleep at the moment, body curled around yours. Light from the morning sunrise was filtering in through the blinds, and you raised your head to check the time.

             The clock on the bedside table behind her sleeping figure informed you that it was 6.59am. You felt the corner of your mouth curve upwards as you appreciated the tranquil expression on her face. She had been from her workload the last few weeks, and it showed in the frowns she had been sporting.

             Right then though, her pale face was settled, and you reached out with your left hand, without thinking about it, to let your fingers stroke its contours. With your middle finger, you traced the curve of her lips, following the end when it slid up at your touch.

             You smiled.

             Leaning forwards, you laid a feathery light kiss on her mouth before returning to grin foolishly at her. Her brown eyes flickered open, and running a tongue over her lips, she arched her eyebrow questioningly.

             “What’s with the big smile this morning, ma chérie?”

             Your grin widened, and your eyes flicked to the clock (which read 7am) before gazing back at her, letting your brown eyes hold her grey.

             “I was thinking of a quote that I read before, but scoffed because it sounded so cheesy then. But now,” you trailed off, looking for the right words. “I understand.”

             Her head tilted, and curiosity crept into her eyes.

             “What was it?”

             Serious now, you fixed your eyes on her somberly and recited.

             “I’ve been told that people in the army do more by 7am than I do in an entire day but if I wake up at 6.59am, and trace the outline of your lips with mine, then I would have done enough, and killed no one in the process.”

             Silence followed.

             You pressed your lips together, amused by her expression that seemed to be a mixture of awe and affection. After a few seconds, she broke the silence.

             “You are right. That was cheesy.”

             You feigned taking offence, watching as she laughed, closing her eyes and shaking her head.

             “Hey now…”

             “Cheesy, but I love it. And you.”

             Beaming, you bared your teeth at her in happiness. She only snorted to herself in response, and moved forwards to plant a kiss on your mouth.

-

             “You should really see a doctor about that cough, Cosima.”

             “It’ll get better, it usually does.”

             “You’ve been steadily losing weight for a few months now chérie, and sore throats usually fade in a week.”

             Looking up from your furious writing to look at Delphine, you realised that she was actually quite worried. She was ready to put up a fight against your resistance to visit a doctor. The cold this time was indeed persistent, and you nodded.

             “Okay okay, I will do it tomorrow.”

             “Thank you. You know I only have your health in mind.”  

             Pushing your chair back against the table, she sat on your lap, pressing a kiss to your forehead. Despite the pain in your throat and lungs, you grinned, hugging her tight. Concerned for her own health, you swatted her away as she tried to kiss you on the lips.

             “Don’t. I’m sick, Delphine.”           

-

             The diagnosis floored you. Delphine had immediately grabbed your hand, and leaned forward, stuttering for a repeat of the diagnosis.

             Throat cancer?

             The words echoed all day. In your head, in her head, in the silence of the car ride back, and in the touches Delphine provided.

             Throat cancer?

             The first doctor visit had turned into two, and then countless, as different tests were conducted, and results were discussed. All through the changing scenes and words, Delphine had remained the only constant, always there, strong, and sturdy. But the last visit had broken her.

            Throat cancer?

            Back home, she had yelled helplessly, and paced tearfully, while you sat numbly, and stared blankly.

             Throat cancer?

             (You’re dying.)

             That night, when the sobs and coughs wracked your body, it was Delphine who was silent, and always there, strong, and sturdy

 

-

             “What the hell, Cos. I can’t believe this.”

             She collapsed onto your bed, her fight leaving her. Shrugging, you merely sipped a concoction of honey, lemon, and ginger that Delphine had left behind before she headed out to her work. You cleared your throat.

             “I would get regular check ups if I were you.”

             All you received was a blank stare. As bleak as the situation was, you could not help but smile at the irony of the situation. Here was your big twin sister, who constantly fought, who constantly stood up for you, protected you; but facing your worst adversary, was for once absolutely defeated and powerless. Crawling into bed with her, you snuggled into her side and let her hold you tight.

-

 

            “How is Delphine taking it?” Sarah asked softly some time later, you had no idea - time seemed to be stagnant now, still, and suffocating.

             “She’s handling it,” mumbling now.

             “I wonder how she’ll remember you.”

            “What a random, morbid thought. But the answer is obviously as the most epic sexual experience of her life.”

            “Eww, shut up.”

            Sarah bumped her chin on your head a little harder than necessary.

-

 

            Later that night (or was it a long time later?), you ran your fingers gently over Delphine’s arm that curled around you protectively, feeling the fine hairs and the smooth skin. With your other hand, you intertwined her fingers with yours, observing the way her hand automatically gripped yours. Slowly and carefully, you slipped out from under her, placing her arm lightly back onto the bed, and headed towards your desk.

            Booting up the laptop, you hoped the quiet hum of the machine did not wake her up, and poured yourself another cup of Delphine’s concoction. After finally opening a new word document, you found yourself staring at the blank screen. For a person who always had words, you had none now.

            Minutes passed, or was it hours? Who knew? Finally, you moved your fingers gingerly onto the keyboard.

            “Hi,” slowly at first, but then faster, with purpose. “My name is Cosima Niehaus, and I have a story to tell.”

-

 

            _The doctors say I might not have long now. Delphine is taking me on a trip to France, to see the sights and the wineries and to experience her mother_ _’s truffles. After that we are heading back to the old folks to spend some quality time with them and Sarah. And after that, who knows._

_It_ _’s only when we don_ _’t have much time left that we realise exactly how much time we have left._

_Hi, my name is Cosima Niehaus, and this is my story._

 


End file.
